Calories lost during sex.. =)

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.

Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.


EXAMPLES:

1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off:
1 slice (large) chocolate cake.

25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off:
2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.

53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off:
1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.

53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.

PREPARING THE BEDROOM

Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)

ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS

Hiding the sex manual: 3

Decanting the wine: 4

Without a corkscrew: 268

MAKING THE FIRST MOVE

If you are shy: 15

If you are anxious: 43

If you beg: 100

SEDUCING THE PARTNER

If you are rich (cash): 5

If you are rich (credit card): 15

If you are poor: 200

INITIAL BODY CONTACT

Fumbling: 4

Casually rummaging around: 7

Seriously rummaging around: 42

REMOVING CLOTHES

With partner's consent: 12

Without partner's consent: 187

Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418

AROUSAL AND STIMULATION

Blowing in partner's ear: 15

Blowing in your own ear: 2,512

DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed)

Partner looks better with clothes on: 10

Partner wears corrective underwear: 15

Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100

You don't mind: 0.25

Partner wearing elevated socks: 50

DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME

Fumbling around: 4

Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18

Completely missing: 126

POSITIONS

Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26

German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48

English (woman on top; man hiding): 15

American (both on top): 1,243

AFFLICTIONS

Leg cramp: 36

Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612

Sneezing (during intercourse): 7

Sneezing (during orgasm): 588

ASSORTED ACCIDENTS

Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5

Toupee slips off (if partner didn't know): 72

Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1

Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17

Extinguishing cigarette (in partner's leg): 133

Calling your partner the wrong name: 50

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE

Shoes flew off: 15

Expression didn't change: 0.5

Room turned purple: 4

Face turned purple: 78

Earth moved: 30

If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588

Moaning in Turkish: 506

THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX

"I am so grateful": 15

"It must have been something we ate": 15

"Was it good for you?": 15

"Are you finished?": 15

TRYING AGAIN

If woman is ready: 5

If man is not: 563

ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP

After sex: 18

During sex: 546

While parking car: 212

SLEEP

Real: 5

Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74

TAKING A BATH TOGETHER

In a bath: 5

In a sink: 150

In a jacuzzi: 15,269

MAKING THE BED

With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired).

With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound dissatisfaction)

KEEPING A JOURNAL

Maintaining your own record of sexual activity will be helpful for keeping track of weight loss. You needn't go into detail, just list the activity and the number of calories burned.

A typical entry in a woman's journal (for example) for a pleasant low-key sexual experience might read as follows:

December 1st: Sex with Harold

Explaining how: 12

Suggesting something different: 3

Calming terrified Harold: 40

Encouraging him to at least take off his socks: 8

Foreplay (a little of this; a little of that): 56

Intercourse (standing position): 22

Intercourse (holding Harold up): 10

Intercourse (urging him on): 5

Orgasm: not sure

Thanking Harold: 3

Waving bye-bye: 1

Total time: six minutes (taxi waiting)

Total calories burned: 160

Hmm..so, lets all start 'working out' just in time for Christmas!

LOL...

that's an interesting post..

I wonder.. how true is that... does it reallly burns so MUCH calories?

really har ??? like that must quick quick find wife then hermmm .......

its fake lah joke only.. how can you "Blow in your own ear: 2,512" ??????
ur mouth like pipe lidat can reach ur own ear? ^_^

cheers!

wth.. a manual on calorie burning... ppl haf too much money sia, conduct studies on this kind of things..

but guess we shud all haf some "calorie burning" regime every now and then eh?

anyone?

any activity u do, u cut calories.

Having sex n foreplay..blah blah blah, gets the heart pumping n makes u energetic mah, increase metabolism so can cut calories lar.

something is missing...

watching porn = 0 Calories burn

who say... watching porn also need to butn calories hor... u watch already panting hard and ur hard also pump more blood rushing to ur head and second head, all that need calories leh..

how come I cannot find the "edit" button to edit my tupo "hard" actually is "heart"

numb3rs~ @.@

K3nn3th wrote:

something is missing...

watching porn = 0 Calories burn

watching porn can burn calories.. actually jus sitting arnd can burn calories.. and its eitherly based on ur body one.. basically more muscles = nid more maintanence = burn more calories to maintain it.. thats y muscular ppl remain and fit and fat ppl get fatter (of cos, exercise plays a part too).

and the watching porn de calories consumption may diff if u haf diff "reactions" to the goodies tat r on show. *if u get wat i mean*

Sorry to burst your bubbles guys, but most of the figures are played up and obviously fake!
I.E :
Without a corkscrew *15mins: 268
Stationary cycling for 80mins: 240

haha.. u try stationary cycling for 80min lor.. see hw exhausted u r

LOL alr 5 mins a bit exhausting liao...

ok my stamina sux.. but ya..

rapidburn wrote:

haha.. u try stationary cycling for 80min lor.. see hw exhausted u r

Sorry, my mistake. 40 mins should have been the correct answer. Still, if working a cockscrew can burn as much/more calories than 40 mins of stationary cycling...Something must be VERY wrong here...

Hot hot steamy sex...